Through life, we go through many trials, life lessons, and hardships. But it is directly how we respond to such things that show us if we are moving in the correct direction. The undisciplined mind only sees faults but the disciplined mind searches for an explanation as well as seeks a way to move beyond our own limiting perceptions and no longer identifies oneself as being the victim but merely the participant in something which is much larger than what they perceive themselves to be. The way to truly move forward through the hard times lies within ourselves our unique ability as a species to think of yesterday and also to think of tomorrow gives us an option as to where we should lie our attention. Thinking of either for too long for sure will take you out of reality so both are not very recommended but if the answer is to sink into yesterdays feelings, emotions or actions will take you deeper out of reality for you will be living to change something which cannot be changed for it has already happened all that we can change is our way of thinking about the events that have already appeared in our experience of life. It is truly all experience so that we can walk in the footsteps of such great contemplatives such as Lao Tzu, Jesus, Gautama and all other who have helped shape modern reality but all of them told us many times to live in the moment that which we are currently within for if we can experience the experience that we call life then we can create our life by seeing the patterns that come to fruition within our life. That takes us to say that living for the future also will not guarantee happiness or bliss of any kind it will really only induce a dream that we will strive to live for. When we are living through the hard times in life to look towards the future is truly better I would believe than looking into something that has already happened and that which we cannot have access to the recreation of future moments is a skill we can cultivate and should work to have access to such awareness.
Why can we see and feel the past and future?
Only through my own experience of life can I think to see this answer that works best for me. We see the past because if we could not then we would not be able to see lessons that we have lived through already and also we would not be able to see what we are projecting out into our immediate reality there are so many of us who divorce for a quick example only to find themselves in the same relationship this is the same for all relationships be it a manager at our workplace, our doctor or spiritual advisor if we cannot see the patterns that are being produced then there is something internally not correct. Perhaps you were told by a spiritual healer that you are impure and you believe this and so what do we do with all belief we create our immediate reality and so we may attract a spouse who mistreats us or create disease within our bodies. Thus our doctors reaffirm our belief that we are impure beings inhabiting an impure world. But however, all of that stems from the belief of listening to someone who we believe has more authority than ourselves. You are truly all you will ever have and need so it is best to just listen and cultivate inner intuition. When we come to why we see or think of the future well I would believe it to be that we can consciously create the future when we live conscious lives because then we are for sure seeing the patterns that are shaping our reality. When we become aware of this then we can find ways to change ourselves thus creating change within the future. I am an avid believer in the Law of Attraction and have seen this for sure first hand I used many techniques in the past usually I would find myself absorbed in the Future when life was not going so well because I had the will and the want to change my reality. But neither past nor future will create happiness it will only take us away from what we are hiding from in the present moment. Many people I know for sure fear to live in the moment because we have been so hard-wired to believe there is something to get or something to attain there is nothing to get or attain but only to dance and to laugh and experience thoughts, emotions, and reality as it arises in and out of consciousness.
The cause of much suffering
A lot of the time we might not know or realize that we are in fact suffering. Life has much suffering in it. The reason that I believe why we suffer so much and sometimes an unnecessary amount like losing our car keys or forgetting money only to go shopping and get to the checkout only to go into a flux of panic and shame of how stupid we think ourselves to be this should not induce so much suffering as we see in our modern people. The cause of much of this is our inability to take care of ourselves. We think or do not think at all that we need to stop and relax to think to inquire about our own self or even to simply see experience arise. This is due to being constantly told that if we are not doing doing doing then we are losing, failing and underachieving we praise those who work 80 hours per week and shame those who are jobless or simply do not wish to do we call these people lazy, fat or uneducated to name a few but what we think of ourselves we put upon others. We all need to stop from time to time for it is unhealthy and very unnatural to keep going. If we see signs of stress arise then we need to be able to eliminate the stress if we are told by family or friends that we need to stop then we should think to stop and see what it is that we do not see. Usually, others can see better than ourselves. Even if we are selling a million copies of our latest book or creating and producing more sales etc than ever we still need to stop to reevaluate our situation because if we cannot take care of ourselves then we cannot take care of anything or anyone else we also will not be able to keep working for long periods of time we will think we can but when we are old if we keep going we will be filled with aches, pains and all that we did without ever stopping will have been the cause of so much physical suffering.
Boundaries we all need them
It did not come to me until someone close to me was speaking about boundaries and how they needed to cultivate more boundaries and know when to say ‘no I am taking care of me’ I asked this person what are boundaries? When the person replied they said that I had many boundaries I usually comfort myself before comforting others and that I am rigid in my way of not changing my thinking that I should in effect suffer at the expense of others doings. I can see this being very true for example I have a very rigid morning start I start my day the same way every day without fail unless it is physically impossible and in those moments I see grat difference within my daily life I am not in a place of self-power but more powerless and not coming from a place of love and equanimity because I am very unfocused. My morning consists of:
8AM – Wake Up, 8:10- 8:45 Yoga to stretch from sleeping, 8:50- 9:10 minimum of 20minutes of meditation this is usually my working day for the other days off I usually do this 3 times throughout my day if possible. Only after doing this can I begin to eat, bathe, etc. For me, this is the only way that I can ensure that I am living to my best standard and quality of life. We can’t do nothing and expect to live from our highest or truest self. For myself, I would rather lose sleep and mediate purely because we can feel ever more awake and refreshed with 10minutes of breathing and reducing stress than 10 minutes extra in be. I have done this currently for about the past 4 months with the Yoga included but about three years meditating every morning. Even for myself, this is not enough because if we spend 10 or even 60 minutes of meditation in the morning but spend the next 16 hours in distraction then we are going to find that there was no use in the meditation we need to cultivate our mind to always come back to the moment. When I sit in front of someone my full undivided attention is with that person it can almost feel like a trance it is beautiful within itself to truly sit in someone else’s presence and fully be with that person this is self-care because to truly be in every moment is caring for yourself and for the other.
When someone shames us or blames us for taking care of ourselves we can say that this is disrespect. If a person cannot accept that we need alone time, time to think, go for massage or even go away for months at a time to reconnect with ourselves or simply to do yoga and meditation to start our day in a peaceful and powerful way then this is also disrespect this person cares more for themself than they do for you. If we allow this person to win then we also do not respect ourselves this is equally just as negative because the next time we do go to take care of ourselves we will think that we are selfish, lazy or undeserving because we have been made to believe that we should not take care of ourselves. You are all you will ever have in this world rely on your own spine for if you lean on someone else more than likely you will fall over for they will come to pass.
Hardships mean more self-care
Recently as winter brings I lost a relative it was very sudden and nobody could have created or predicted it. It was my ability to give myself that self-care that has brought me to the other side it is my willingness to say goodbye to salute the dead and say that life is always working out for me. For a while whilst many were stunned, shocked and saddened by the loss I felt like I was not human for not reacting in such ways I felt ashamed as though I possibly could not have loved the person if I was not saddened by the loss. However, this being said I had just come back from learning on a retreat death dying and the beyond from how Shamanic cultures see death just four days later I lost my relative it felt like a cosmic joke. This is not self-care this is just the experience that I was having and nobody can nor should they belittle another’s experience in life, there came times when I did cry for the loss but usually when I was alone or with someone who I knew would not pity me. If we have no belief of the afterlife then death I can only imagine would be a punishment to those left behind. Self-care during these times is a must for it is so easy to become vulnerable and have a feeling of loss of self so it is a necessity to come back and to keep coming back to ourselves. But the dying in the last stages of life never do not wish to die they never jump out of the hospital bed crying or screaming of going into the beyond but instead they allow death to take them as though beauty was death and death was beauty. So to conclude whatever we are going through always remember that life is always working out for us and that all experience is just arising and flowing back into consciousness the child’s nursery rhyme row your boat is very applicable to death for life was but a dream.
I found much in the 19th Century poem aptly called ‘The buried life’ by English poet Matthew Arnold. The poem is about the poet’s desire to know the true soul of his life partner. This small excerpt from the poem talks about how we bury so much so deep within us that we forget the dreams and desires only to go out and live the life that society wishes us to live instead of the life we were born to lead. Hence it is our buried life.
But often, in the worlds most crowded street. But often in the din of strife there rises an unspeakable desire, after the knowedge of our buried life.~Matthew Arnold